Advice from the Swizz
by Barry Bubblestein
Summary: Rancis wants to muster up the courage to ask Vanellope out, so he goes to Swizzle for advice. The third chapter of this is a VanillButter Vs. VanillaPumpkin Songfic. I hope you enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

Rancis Fluggerbutter had had a crush on Vanellope, the president of Sugar Rush, for quite a while now. Ever since she had helped him beat Taffyta and win his first Sugar Rush cup, he started to develop feelings for her. Maybe it was her spunky fun loving personality, or her kind hearted yet feisty childlike attitude, or the fact that she was adorably tomboyish. But whatever the reason, the peanut butter themed racer couldn't get his mind off of her.

However, he was much too nervous to simply go up to Vanellope and tell her how he felt. Every time Rancis would approach her, he would freeze up. His mind would blank up and he would get candy butterflies in his stomach. One day, after closing time, he decided that enough was enough. If he wasn't brave enough to ask Vanellope out, he would just have to get advice from his friend Swizzle Malarkey, the only racer who knew a thing or two about girls.

Swizzle, or the Swizz as he went by, was programmed to be a lady's man. He was always trying to smooth talk some of the female racers in his spare time. His usual crushes he was seen hanging out with were Minty, Sticky, and Jubileena. Although despite being the most successful with girls, he never actually had a girlfriend. "Maybe the whole player factor was part of that reason." Rancis thought to himself. And he wasn't lying to himself when that was the reason he wasn't sure about asking Swizzle. Rancis just didn't consider himself that kind of guy. But he still walked on his way to his friend's house.

"Where ya headed?" A voice behind Rancis made him jump. He turned around to see Candlehead standing behind him, looking as happy as usual.

"Oh, just over to see Swizzle." He shrugged, not wanting to go into much detail right now. "What about you?"

"Well I was just walking and skipping and being happy and all." She twirled around. Candlehead could put even the most depressed people in a good mood sometimes. "Mind if I go wherever you're going?"

"Fine." The peanut butter racer said simply, continuing on his way.

The Candleheaded racer clapped her hands happily. Ever since Taffyta had started hanging out with Vanellope more, she had really grown attached to Rancis.

Eventually, he made it to Swizzle's house with Candlehead skipping and humming happily the whole way. "Hm hm hm hm hm, Jump into your racing car, say Sugar Rush! Hm hm hm!" She sang to their game's theme.

Rancis took one last moment to realize that he was possibly going to tell Vanellope how he truly felt about her by the end of the day. Then he knocked on Swizzle's door, which after a moment, he opened.

"Hey Rancis, what's up?" Swizzle said coolly.

"I need to talk to you about something. Can we come in? It's about…a girl." Rancis asked his friend, whispering the last part.

"Of course, anything when it comes to the ladies." He told him, opening the door more to let the two racers in to his house.

Candlehead seemed really impressed with Swizzle's house; it was practically a bachelor pad. "oooooooh." Was what she said, gazing around the place.

Rancis and Swizzle sat down on the sofa while Candle wandered around. "So, what's eatin' ya?" Malarkey asked Rancis, as he relaxed.

"I like Vanellope, Swizzle. I mean, she such a cute and feisty and has so much spunk I just can't take my mind off of her. Ever since she helped me win my first cup, I've always had feelings for her and…" The peanut butter racer explained to Swizzle, letting it all out at last.

"Woaw buddy. Don't overdo it now." He laughed, cutting him off. "How long have you felt this way? I mean specifically when did you realize you had feelings for the president?" The unicorn pop boys asked him. In the background, Candlehead is staring wide eyed at a framed picture of Swizzle.

Rancis thought back for a moment. "Well, I took notice to her more so than usual when I had my first victory. After about a week, I started to obsess over Vanellope a little. Before I knew it, she wouldn't leave my head." He recalled, rubbing the back of his head.

"Well bravo dude! And the President none the less." Swizzle said, obviously impressed. Suddenly behind them, Candlehead was inches away from touching the picture, which caused it to fall to the ground and smash into pieces.

"Wasn't me!" she cried out.

Rancis ignored the shattering of the photo and continued. "So that's why I've come to you. Can you give me advice about asking out Vanellope." He asked.

"Is that it? Pff, no problem." Swizzle reassured him. "By the time I'm done with you, Vanellope will be all over you."

Suddenly, Candlehead popped up in between the boys, startling them. "I had a boyfriend once." She happily chirped.

"We're not talking about that." Swizzle said, trying to shoo her off.

"He was on the internet on Litwak's laptop." She explained, giggiling.

Swizzle knew about all the types of guys and girls that could hook up with each other. And he knew, from experience unfortunately, that dates from the internet were nothing but trouble. "Oh man, your boyfriend was a virus." He said disgusted.

But Candlehead didn't seem to care. "His name was Emile. He would always send me letters." She told Swizzle, cupping her hands together blissfully.

"He sounds like a high maintenance guy to me." Rancis said.

"But he seemed to be oddly obsessed over Litwak." She continued, he mood suddenly growing a bit confused. "The letters were always about his family, things that he ordered online, and investment opportunities in other countries." Candlehead pondered.

Swizzle was finally starting to get the picture. "Wait wait wait." He stopped her. "Candlehead, I don't think your boyfriend's name was Emile, I think it was Email. I'm pretty sure you just fell in love with Mr. Litwak's Email." He chuckled to himself. Candlehead's ditzyness could be a good source of entertainment sometimes.

"But then, he never forgave me when I forgot our special word we shared between us." She said, her mood suddenly growing sad.

"You mean Litwak's password, right?" Swizzle guessed.

"Anyway." Rancis spoke up, getting Swizzle's attention. "When can we start with my lessons?" he asked.

"How about right now? I'll get Candle to help too." He asked. "School's in session, and Professor Swizz is about to start the master class." He got up and announced to his two friends.

"Well okay. But I don't want to learn to be a player like you." Rancis warned him, getting up.

"Yeah sure, don't worry about it." Swizzle reassured Rancis.

* * *

**A/N: Will Swizzle give Rancis the advice he's looking for?**  
**Find out next chapter.**


	2. Chapter 2

Swizzle had brought Rancis and Candlehead into his bedroom for his lesson to help out Rancis. He paced back and forth in front of them while they sat on his bed. "Alright, class is in session. Students sit here; teacher's on this side." He told his friends.

"I'm still not exactly sure about how this will turn out." Rancis scratched the back of his head.

"Dude, you've got a girl to ask out. You don't know what to say to her. You need my help. And the first set of lessons is free." Malarkey informed him.

"The first set? How are you qualified to teach us this stuff?" Rancis asked, suddenly confused.

But the Swizz though it was a joke. "pff, are you kidding me?" he chuckled.

"No, no I'm not kidding. How are you qualified? You talk about girls all the time; I've never seen you with one." Rancis crossed his arms.

Um, I have lots of... just shut up and listen. Stay quiet and hold all your questions until the end." Swizzle replied, trying to escape the subject. "Now, before we start, does anyone have any questions?" he asked, stopping his pacing.

Candlehead raised her hand slowly. "Uh, yes. I would like to kn-" She started to ask.

"Ah ha! That was a trick question. You're supposed to hold all questions until the end." Swizzle stopped her.

Rancis then raise his hand. "Oh yea? Why didn't you hold your trick question until the end then?" He asked, smirking about catching Swizzle off guard.

"The rules don't apply to me." He calmly told them, crossing his arms.

"Well then maybe my question was a...magic...question too." Candlehead tried to remember the exact name of the type of question Swizzle used.

The Unicorn Pop racer just rolled his eyes. "Yea, abracadabra. You're a ditz." He then went back to pacing "So, we've already learned our first lesson: the rules don't apply to me. Girls like a rebel, someone outside the law." Swizzle continued his lesson.

"You mean like a criminal?" Candlehead wondered.

"Mmmm, it depends on the crime. Nothing with animals." Swizzle explained. "See, they want someone with a free and independent spirit. Something that they can crush into a raw material that can then be molded into what they really want." He went on.

"What do they really want?" Rancis asked next.

"They don't know. Which is why you have to tell them what they want without actually telling them what to do." Their "teacher" continued.

"That sounds hard." Candlehead looked worried.

"That's why we're doing lessons." Swizzle reassured her.

She then pulled out a notepad and pencil. "Should I be taking notes?" she asked.

"Do you even know how to take notes?" Swizz asked her.

Candlehead gave him a puzzled look. "Is that another trick question? Can I answer it at the end?"

"Getting bored here." Rancis warned, slightly irritated at the constant back and forth of questions.

"Okay okay fine. Let's do some role playing. I'll give you critiques on your approach." Swizzle instructed.

Rancis gave him a confused look. "Roleplaying, you mean like, acting?" he questioned.

"Yes exactly. Candlehead, you start hitting on Rancis." Swizzle confirmed.

"Wait, you want Candlehead to hit on me?" Rancis asked, suddenly concerned about letting Sugar Rush's ditz hit on him.

"Dude it's a lot bigger stretch for a pretty boy like you to man up and hit on her, trust me." Swizzle smirked jokingly at Rancis who just sighed.

Candlehead raised her hand suddenly. "Um, what should I be saying?"

"Just say whatever a girl would say." Swizzle instructed her.

"Uh, okay." Candlehead tried to think of what to say. So she chose to speak what she wanted out of a boyfriend. "Um, I uh just really want to meet someone nice. Um you know, someone who appreciates me for who I am. Not so much because I'm pretty but because they really want to get to know me because they want to find out what my interests are. Then we can spend time exploring the world and sharing all the wonderful things in life that make it wonderful." She spoke nervously.

After she had finished, the boys just stared at her for a few seconds. Candlehead beamed at them, thinking she did an A+ job.

Swizzle was the first to find his voice again. "What!? Do you know girls at all? Talk about how much you like shoes." He suggested.

"Yeah and about reality TV shows and all the other things you and the other girls talk about." Rancis pitched in.

"Okay time to switch things up. Rancis, you start. Just hit on Candle. Candle, act like Rancis is your dream crush." The Swizz told his "students".

Candlehead looked at Rancis with excitement. "I've been preparing for this role my whole life." She chirped at him.

"Alrighty, Rancis, Your girlfriend just got to base. You see her and say…" Swizzle lead Rancis to start.

"Uh hey...hey there." The peanut butter boy started, unsure of what to say.

"Hello. Giggle. Blinking eye lashes. Puppy." Candlehead tried to mimic what a cute girl would be doing in words.

"Alright that's it, I'm out. I can't do this anymore." Rancis got ready to walk out of the room. He seemed to think they wouldn't get anywhere.

Swizzle stopped him and walked him back into his room. "Fluggerbutter, sit down and don't be a baby. Candlehead, stop making sound effects. You're roleplaying a girl. Girls can't make sound effects."

"Quietly angry." She talked back to him.

"And stop narrating." He added.

"Okay. Fine." Candlehead crossed her arms and stomped her foot on the ground.

"YES! There you go. That's it. Okay Rancis, hit it. Action!" Swizzle cheered, signaling to Rancis.

"Uh uh hey uh what are you doing? What's up? Uh uh, what's up with what you're doing?" He tried to quickly jump into the situation.

"Smooth. Candle." Swizzle complimented on his friend's performance, motioning for Candlehead to go next.

"Okay, um, yes I was just sitting here thinking about shoes and celebrities that only have first names." She replied to Rancis in roleplay.

"Perfect." He gave her a thumbs up.

"Actually if you want the truth I feel like I have to say these things to make myself more appealing when I reallly think that I should jus-" She then started to say, but Swizzle cut her off.

"Stop it. Flugs, say something rebellious." He instructed.

"Uh okay I think the working class should uprise against the rich people." Rancis tired as hard as he could to sound like a badass.

"I said rebellious not revolutionary." Malarkey corrected him.

"Oh okay. I drive my kart over the speed limit. All the time." Rancis recovered, adding the last part at the end just to be sure.

Candlehead jumped off the bed and threw herself into a tight hug around Rancis, causing him to loose balance and fall off of the bed. "I will go with you anywhere." She squealed happily.

"See? It's easy!" Swizzle told them.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Okay, so here's the deal. I was originally going to end this story after the last chapter. But because you all wanted me to continue it so badly, I decided to combined another story idea i had with this one. So just as a fair warning to you all:**

**THIS CHAPTER IS A SONGFIC (My very first one at that. Sorry if the format isn't too exciting, but I had trouble writing in actions to considering how the song goes).**

**I was originally planning on making this as a follow up to this story as it's own separate one, but eventually opted to just make this story three chapters.**

**The song they are singing is based off of "Luigi's Ballad" by StarBomb. It's basically a little VanillaButter vs. VanillaPumpkin sort of thing.**

* * *

Rancis Fluggerbutter walked through the castle, out to its royal garden. "This was it. I'm finally going to do it." He thought to himself, stepping outside. He had had a crush on the game's president, Vanellope Von Schweetz for a long time. Today, he went to visit his friend Swizzle Malarkey for advice. And with his help (and Candlehead's as well), he now was mustering up the courage to finally tell her how he felt. Sour Bill had answered the door when he rang the doorbell and told him that Vanellope was out in the castle garden, tending to the gumdrop plants.

But what he didn't know was that someone had followed him; a certain prankster named Gloyd Orangeboar. Like Rancis, Gloyd was also crushing the princess turned president of Sugar Rush. The only difference between him and Rancis was that he was brave enough to tell Vanellope how he felt; he just never was able to find a good time to do it. When he saw his friend heading to meet Vanellope, Gloyd had gotten suspicious and followed him in. He knew Rancis also liked Vanellope a lot, and he didn't like the idea of him moving in on his crush before he could.

Rancis walked up behind Vanellope and tapped her on the shoulder while she was plucking a gumdrop and put it in a basket. She turned toward him as slow music starts to play.

(Rancis)_  
Vanellope won't you spare a sec for me.  
I don't have any sweets of invincibility.  
But you're the sweetest sweet I could ever hope to choose.  
Cause with you, I never lose._

Just as Vanellope was about to answer him, Gloyd jumped out from a bush as the music gets more upbeat.

(Gloyd)_  
What up, Glitch! One on one me, glitch! What's inside this mystery box? Oops, it's a trick! _  
_It's me, Gloyd Orangeboar, I'm the pumpkin guy of Sugar Rush.  
And just like Fluggerbutter, it's on you I've got a crush.  
I'm into pranks and tricks, my theme is Halloween time.  
My candy kart's the kernel, it can turn right on a dime.  
I'm the best of the best, always on the avatar screen.  
And I'll be ready to go, if you know what I mean._

(Rancis)_  
Come on Gloyd, you always do this shtick.  
I like a girl and you ruin it.  
By pulling all your pranks and trick  
until they go away. _

(Vanellope)_  
Hey there Rancis it's okay  
that Orangeboar's a bit risqué.  
Just tell me what you need to say.  
Please don't be afraid._

At this point, the music goes back to being soft.  
_  
_"Oh Vanellope, it means so much to hear you say that. The only thing I've ever wanted to tell you is that…" Rancis started to say. But before he could finish, Gloyd shoves him aside as the music goes back to being upbeat.

(Gloyd)_  
The players think I'm fast. When they pick me, they will never come last.  
I want to get together, but I'm always on my own.  
Because you mostly hang with Ralph, I am always all alone.  
I am always tried to find you, but it's such a massive hassle.  
Sour Bill's just like Toad, cause it's like you're in another castle.  
And don't consider Swizzle, that guy is such a Chump'kin.  
Vanillabutter ain't as good as Vanillapumpkin. _

(Vanellope)  
_O-M-G, I can't decide, on which of you should be the guy  
to take me on a go kart ride, that will redefine my life._

(Vanellope and Rancis)_  
I'm ready to give love a shot.  
It's not about how many coins you got.  
I just know I like you a lot.  
_(Gloyd)_ Hey guys check out my yacht._

(Rancis)_ Let me take you on a magic kart ride.  
_(Gloyd)_I'll use my Sweet Seeker to smack your backside._

(Rancis)_We'll have some fun; I'll bring my friends you'll see.  
_(Gloyd)_ Who ain't got fudge on me, it's Swizzle Malarkey._

(Gloyd)_  
Come on Prez, it's time to make your choice.  
I'm the only racer that can make you glitch with rejoice.  
Blonde pretty boy Rancis stand no chance next to me.  
It's time to live out our story, of the princess and the pea._

The music stop completely now as Vanellope is still deciding between them. "So, who's it going to be Vanellope?" Gloyd asked, waiting for an answer.

"Hmmmm, I choose…" She thought over her choices and was about to tell them, when suddenly, the three of them turned to the garden enterance to see Taffyta come skipping in. "I choose Taffyta." Vanellope told them, running up to hug her.

"TAFFYTA?" The boys both cried together in utter surprise.

"Yeah guys." Taffyta told them. "I came to talk to Vanellope a while back, and one thing led to another and before you know it, we were dating." Vanellope then pulled the platinum blonde into a kiss. Rancis fainted while Gloyd stared in shock at what just happened.

* * *

**A/N: Once again, the original song is called Luigi's Ballad by StarBomb. I hope you enjoyed my first Songfic.**


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